Valencia has been about rest and boundaries. I established myself as the good-time-girl a little early on in my trip, and a girl (let’s call her Italia) travelled to Valencia with me for more nights out and adventures. But I was fucking shattered. I’d wanted Valencia to be all about rest and wandering from old building, to church, to older building, to Terraza restaurant. It did end up like this, with a few exciting stops in between, but it was a big exercise in saying ‘not today, I’m tired’ or ‘I’m not feeling up for that today’. As much as that seems like a pretty easy thing to say and them move on from, I really struggle with saying No and preserving my energy; it’s either complete isolation for weeks or out on three day bender when I really want to be in bed with a face mask and some herbal concoction. Novel concept - I feel more inclined to socialise when I’m well rested and I’ve spent enough time looking after myself, which I haven’t been doing at all back home. This kind of rest came from late starts, lie-ins, slower paced walks, getting the bus for 1.5 EUR when I’m needing to go on energy saver mode, naps on the beach, taking myself out for dinner when I couldn’t bring myself to cook and , most importantly, saying No to plans I didn’t have the energy for.
The first of these ’No’ moments was with Italia, when she wanted to rent a bike and explore Valencia then visit the Oceanographic Aquarium, but as I said, I was fucking shattered. I’d stared getting ghost cramps, I wasn’t used to the 30 degrees weather and I think I had slept badly, so, I WAS FUCKING SHATTERED. But I knew I would be here a few days longer than Italia so I knew I could take it at a slower pace than her, so I said I would get the bus to the aquarium later and meet her there. I saved money on hiring a bike I didn’t really want and I had a chance to nap, unpack and shower upstairs - this amount of self-care is a bit rare at the moment. But I guess that’s why I was feeling so tired. The aquarium turned out to be the most wholesome and beautiful places I’ve seen all trip. I was still in mourning for the ‘cool-girl’, and all I wanted was to go along as the picture perfect tourist and all the nights out and instagram photos that came with her, but it’s unsustainable. I can’t keep that act up. I WAS FUCKING SHATTERED. But I’d done it my way, tired, and seen something beautiful.
So I took Valencia slowly, the first evening we went on a Catamaran at sunset, sailing around the harbour, before an incredibly late dinner at my favourite pasta chain in Spain, La Taglitella. I’d missed a meal at this chain in Barcelona, and even though we ended up being the last people in the restaurant, I was glad we’d done it on this day (eating Italian food with an Italian who tells you the best thing to order is bloody incredible). The next day was the day where I sacked off the bike tour, but still made it to the aquarium, and it was this night I met a group who had been on the walking tour together. I knew one girl from my room and instantly decided that she was going to be my safety person because she was nice, and British. So when she DM’d me saying they were doing drinking games downstairs, I sacked off my dinner plans and started drinking instantly. It was here where I got the same vibe as the first night in Barcelona, I was rested, social and intentionally getting to know other people. So we went on an impromptu bar crawl which ended with a very mid dance club and some of the best drunk food I’ve ever had (both of which we returned to the next night). I don’t know if you’ve ever had a hot dog Pizza, or a carbonara sandwich, but I’m telling you know - both absolutely slap. Funnily enough, the next night out with the same group I ended up slapping one of the guys (consensually - he said he wanted to wake up I promise).
I liked the calm and rest of Valencia, wandering between old architecture, the central and silk markets, churches and random sets of steps where I would sit and talk to people until the early morning. The biggest challenge of Valencia, other than the heat and staying awake after a mid-afternoon Aqua de Valencia (mimosa on steroids), was this self-advocation. I had to constantly decide what I needed to do, and actually do it. Novel concept, I know, but this included turning a mini light or my phone torch on so I could see my stuff at night even though I didn’t want to wake others up or disturb them, and for this I was almost prepared to go to bed with mascara on and the clothes I’d worn out. My version of the ‘cool girl’ would have left the light on or squirmed around it, going to bed in a state and waking up earlier to sort it so no one saw. But I turned the light on, sorted my shit out, and realised everyone in my room was fast asleep with eye masks on anyway.
I left Valencia on a delayed train and still thinking about the friends I hadn’t reached out to. I didn’t want to bother them; I was almost the full way down the spiral and was half-expecting to return in two weeks to all of my belongings packed into cardboard boxes, and a new flatmate moving in. I’d missed one of my flat mates birthdays and I think the photos from it were one of the things that had initially sent me into the spiral a few days earlier. Again, everyone just doing their own stuff and living their life. But it was still enough to make me cry on the train again, thinking about how much I wanted a hug and someone to tell me that I was valued, or that they were glad I existed. But there are maybe two people I would allow to console me in this kind of spiral, and they weren’t even in the same country, and they had no idea I was feeling this way in the first place. Then I received a message from a girl who I had shared a room with in Barcelona. She’d read my post about Barcelona, and had gone out of her way to compliment the piece, and at a time where I really needed connection, this was an affirmation that I’d found and was capable of it.
So I’m heading to Athens, still tired but with those connections I’ve been craving. Valencia was the perfect rest; a slower pace but still getting to see everything the universe is wanting to hand to me through new people and places. My research project starts in Athens, but this doesn’t mark the end of the rest and adventure. Let’s see how well I can balance them all. Even if I don’t, I don’t particularly care. It’s fun!
Songs for Valencia : Made For This -Satsang
Bitter Bitch - Helen
BigTen Inch Record - Aerosmith
Lazy - Marilyn Monroe
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